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I was speaking with an HR Director last week. He was at a cocktail party, anda 23 year old young man whose father is a close friend of his walked up. The HRDirector told the young man how excited he was that he was applying to work forhis company. The young man looked puzzled. As it turns out, the 23 year old hadnot applied for the job…his father had applied on his behalf. I had to say Iburst out in laughter. Later, I thought “You know…this may not be so funny.”
Our young adults are smart. They’re worldly. They are persistent. Yet forsome reason, we are sending them the message that we don’t trust them to makesmart decisions on their own, and this is a shame. As I heard this story, I hadto look back at my own helicopter parenting…the number of times I pick up thephone each day to hear that one of my kids needs something (something they cancertainly figure out on their own.) I am here to say that while I considermyself stronger than most, I have frequently fallen into the trap of reactingrather than supporting my kids to be independent.
So, while this list below may make you chuckle, many of these things areactually going on in the world. My request is that if you are a parent and ifany of these apply to you that you stop it. And…I will join you in taking thislist on!
You May Be a Helicopter Parent If…
You are writing your child’s resume and passing it off as your child’sYou are completing your child’s homework assignmentsYou are staying up until 2:00 in the morning to write or tweak your child’scollege essaysYou are calling college admissions’ departments to chew out the pooradmissions folks when your child does not get into the college of his or herchoiceYou are calling your colleagues to ask them if they will hire your son whowon’t get off the couchYou are more concerned about shopping for your outfit foryour child’s job interview than advising your child on his or her outfitYou invent your own “Bring Your Dad to Work” day so that you can pop intothe job scene at any timeYou are attending job fairs on behalf of your childYour child gets into an argument with a friend, and you call the friend tolet ‘em have itYour adult child gets a bad performance review, and you schedule a meetingwith the boss to have a word or twoYour child is over the age of 23, and you are still shopping for theirgroceries, toiletries and household itemsYour child calls ten times a day, and you answer the phone each and everytimeYou are spending at least one hour daily searching college websites so thatyou can choose a college for your childYou are still planning and throwing birthday parties for your age 15+ child,and you are inviting clowns, ponies and BarneyYour child only calls one time a day, and you are getting your feelings hurtYou have become a broker for roommate disputes with your childYou demand to have a tour of the company before your child agrees to take ajobYour dream job is to become the Dean of Parents for your child’s schoolYou walk in the room, and everyone hears the sound of a roaring, whirringbird If any of these sound like you, you may be hovering a bit too close over yourchild and it’s time to back off and let them fly. While you can certainly be asounding board or provide solicited advice (the key word hereis solicited), when it comes to making a big life decision, inthe end, it’s truly up to your adult child. They will grow and learn from eachgood and bad decision they make.
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